would you like you, if you meant you?

I came across this quote on Pinterest today. It really made me stop and think. The answer I came up with was a little disappointing. Right now in my life if I meant me I'm not sure If I would like me. It's nothing to do with my body type or how I look. It's the attitude I've had towards everything lately. Everything has been negative. I was thinking about the family dinner we had today. Before dinner we were talking and I was thinking about the conversation. Everything I said in that conversation was negative, rude, or mean to another person. As I thought about this I was very disappointed. Through my life I've been complimented on how positive I can be in a hard situation. But lately I have let the world and Satan get the best of me. My surgery has not been fun. I feel like I have the right to but a little upset and flustered with all of it. But I don't have to right to mop around, feel sorry for myself, and assume that everything in my life is now bad. That is not the girl that I am. We all have our days when were not ourselves. We're human and if you are one of those select people that are truly happy or positive all the time props to you! For those of you like me, keep trying to change. I know it won't happen over night but little by little change will set in and it will just become a habit!

Thoughts.

Working out was always my outlet. It's always the place where I did my best thinking, let off the most steam, and solved the worlds problems. I haven't been able to do that for a while because of my surgery. I now find myself laying in bed at night just thinking. I solve everything. From my problems to my friends problems to the worlds problems. Tonight is one of those nights. Tomorrow is New Years Eve and we our on our traditional cabin trip with my dads side of the family. There's something about the cabin that causes my mind to go wild. I've had some of my favorite memories up here. In fact this summer it was threaten by a wild fire and my whole world seemed to be crumbling at my feet. The only thing I wanted to do was come up to the cabin and sit outside with a hose to insure it wouldn't burn down. But no one would let me. Anyway tonight in particular I've been thinking about the last couple months of my life. My senior year has so far gone nothing like I had imagined and I'm just fine with that. It shows me even more and is a constant reminder that if I am living my life right things will go how they are suppose to. The thought of the future is very exciting to me. I'm not sure exactly what my plans are but the opportunities I have ahead of me are unimaginable! Today was my grandma and grandpa young's farewell they leave January 7 for there mission. It will be very strange having them gone and I will miss them so much! But I'm so happy they have the opportunity to serve and mission and I look up to them for there decision! A mission has been coming to mind a lot lately. The day they announced the change in age I was going. Then I changed my mind and I wasn't going. I'm now leaning back to going. Who knows what will happen and I'm a girl so I'm sure I'll change my mind a half a dozen more times. But I know if that's what I'm suppose to do I would love to go and I think it would be an amazing experience! Well this post really has no rhyme or reason. I just wanted to write down the thoughts I was having. I hope you all have a very happy new year! (:

You are Beautiful.

My Escape.

I'm headed here tomorrow.  This trip could not come at a better time.  The Cabin has always been my favorite place and my favorite place to escape everything and enjoy life.  Today has been rough.  I went sledding (i shouldn't have done that) which made my elbow hurt a lot.  I try my hardest not to get in a bad mood when my elbow hurts but it's almost impossible.  It makes me wonder if it was even worth having surgery.  I know it was and I'm working on changing my attitude and being thankful for the pain because it means they actually did something which means they actually fixed something.  Anyway I hope tomorrow is better. In fact it's a goal of mine tomorrow will be better. If you've had a bad day or even if you've had a good day.  Tell yourself Tomorrow will be better.  It's amazing what power your mind has if you believe in something hard enough it will happen.  

Growing up.

I remember this time last year. All my senior friends were telling me wait till you get to this time in your life next year and then tell us how it feels. I thought I was a very mature person and didn't think anything would be different. I was wrong. Christmas has made me start to realize more how fast time is moving. Every time I go to a family party the talk of a mission comes up. I will tell you I have not made up my mind and don't feel like I need to make that decision till later. What I I do know is I will be attending snow college this fall I wanted to get a semester of college in before I made any decisions. Anyway my point of this post is life moves very quickly. Don't hold back on anything enjoy everyday! For all of those saying they hate high school right now and can't wait to graduate! This is the last time you'll be in high school enjoy it! School does suck but I'm going to make the best of what I have left! Advice I would give to those just entering high school be outgoing. Most the people your around you will never see again. Be yourself. Have fun. Go on dates for FUN! Everyone in our day and age thinks that if you go on a date with someone your automatically dating them. Your NOT!! We need to get that out of our minds!! Just have fun! Talk to lots of different people. Try new things! Get stuck of roofs(maybe that's more of a summer thing). And lastly forgive and forget! I've seen and also had many friendship that are no longer as strong because people can't get over themselves or other people and forgive someone! We all make mistakes it's what helps us learn no one is perfect! I know it is easier said than done but I feel the minute I started to realize this my life was better! Everyone no matter what age you are enjoy life! It passes by way to quickly! So what if you had a bad day you and only you can determine what your day was like! It's your life! Start living it how you want it to be! (:

Christmas

This has always been one of my Christmas favorites.  As i mentioned in an earlier post as part of student council every year we sponsor an angel tree.  This year I had an experience I will never forget.  After a long night and an early morning Cassie and I set out to deliver some gifts.  We went to the different houses and gave them there gifts.  The last house we were assigned to was very special.  We knocked on the door and stood there for a while. They never answered so we went to leave just as we were pulling out the mom came running out of the house.  We pulled back in and walked up to the door we handed her the gifts and expected just a thank you and we would be on our way.  Instead she invited us into her house.  We walked in and met her little boy he was six year old and was a ball on energy. We talked with them for a while and then we decided it was time to go.  As we went to leave the little boy came up and gave us both a hug he then got tears in his eyes and said thank you for helping Santa this year and left the room.  We then turned to the mom she was crying and with gratitude in her heart explained the circumstances of her family.  Her husband had left her and she was left to provide for her kids alone.  After we talked with her for a minute we were on our way.  The rest of the day I could not stop thinking about this family.  Christmas always make me appreciate what I have so much more.  But then it's over and i forget about it all.  I hope this year I can keep the spirit of Christmas in me all year.  There has been to many times where i have been upset or felt sorry for myself for things that don't even matter.

Sacrament Meeting.

Today we had a very emotional sacrament meeting. Christmas sacrament meetings are always the best but today was extra special. The spirit felt in this meeting was unexplainable. The choir was amazing and the spirt from the music they sung is high above anything else. The speakers did a fantastic job. My dad was the last one to speak. He is the bishop of our ward and I love and respect him for that. They things he spoke of today were touchy and personal. He talked about the shooting in new town. He shared this article with us and I would like to share it with you.

It is titled. Jeff Benedict: Witnessing grief and compassion in Newtown.
And was published by the Deseret news on December 18 2012

Dave Checketts is not a professionally trained clergyman. The former chairman of Madison Square Garden and the New York Knicks is currently CEO of Legends Hospitality, the concessions and merchandise company he jointly owns with the New York Yankees and Dallas Cowboys.
But he's also a lay minister for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints with oversight of 10 Mormon congregations in Fairfield County, Conn., including the one in Newtown.
On Friday morning, Checketts had left his New Canaan, Conn., home and headed to his Park Avenue office to prepare for a weekend business trip to Dallas for Sunday's Cowboys-Steelers game. He and Cowboys owner Jerry Jones planned to host a group of new investors. But late morning he got an email about a shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary. From his laptop, he accessed the church records for Mormon families in Newtown. Five of them had children that attended the school.
A series of phone calls confirmed that all of those children were accounted for except one — 6-year-old Emilie Parker, a first-grader.
Suddenly, it wasn't possible to focus on business. Checketts cleared his calendar for the afternoon.
Robbie and Alyssa Parker had just moved to Connecticut from Ogden, Utah. Along with Emilie, they have daughters ages 2 and 4. Robbie, a health care professional, worked at Danbury Hospital. When Checketts reached him there, the facility was on lockdown due to the school shooting. Robbie was heading to meet his wife at the fire station in Newtown. She was there with other parents awaiting word on the children.
Checketts emailed leaders of Mormon congregations throughout western Connecticut: "Pray for Emilie Parker."
He also organized a prayer service for that night. Then he headed back to Connecticut. He was almost to the Parkers' home when he got word that Emilie was among the 20 children who had died.
"I didn't know what to say," Checketts said. "I go back and forth between tears and anger. It is just hard to comprehend."
The business trip to Dallas got canceled. In an email, Checketts notified Jones and the investors. One by one, they expressed condolences and promised prayers.
When Checketts reached the Parker home, Robbie asked him to lead his family in prayer. While praying, Checketts felt impressed to say that Robbie would deal with his grief by speaking publicly about the tragedy, and that he would emerge as a powerful voice for compassion and peace.
After the prayer, the family's needs were discussed. Chief among them was finding a mortician. But funeral homes in the area were overwhelmed. Checketts promised to take care of everything, including all burial and funeral expenses.
He called a funeral home in a nearby town. Six years earlier, Checketts had attended a service there for a young Mormon missionary who was killed by a drunk driver in Argentina.
"I had to go tell that boy's parents that he wasn't coming home alive," Checketts said.
It was the hardest thing he'd ever done as an ecclesiastical leader. However, that experience had introduced Checketts to an empathetic funeral director.
Suddenly facing an even harder situation, Checketts reached out to him and asked if he would prepare Emily's body for burial. Checketts explained how all the expenses would be covered.
"There will be no expenses," the funeral director said.
The following day, after authorities released the names of the victims, Robbie Parker was the first parent to speak to the national media. Without notes or a spokesman, Robbie choked back tears and expressed sympathy for the family of the man who killed 27 people and himself. "I can't imagine how hard this experience must be for you," he said.
Checketts was moved to tears.
"What happened in Newtown is unthinkable," Checketts said. "But little children are alive in Christ. Though the nature of the crime is the essence of evil, our faith tells us that these children burst into the presence of God and are safe in his arms."
Grief, while heartbreaking, can also give rise to powerful acts of compassion. By the time Abraham Lincoln gave his second inaugural address on March 4, 1865, the American Civil War had claimed roughly 750,000 lives, resulting in 37,000 widows and 90,000 orphans.
Why did God allow such devastation? It was a question Lincoln had pondered. Plus, there were many in Washington who wanted to punish the Confederates for all the carnage. Against that backdrop, Lincoln said:
"With malice toward none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation's wounds; to care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow, and his orphan — to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves, and with all nations."
One month later, Lincoln was assassinated. But those words — "with malice toward none" — live on.
It reminds me of the story of Kenneth Brown, a U.S. Marine serving in Japan after the atomic bomb. It was just before Christmas when Brown encountered a Japanese professor of music who introduced himself as a Christian. He said he had a small children's choir and asked if they could perform a concert for the American soldiers.
Brown belonged to a unit of hardened fighters that had spent four years away from home, battling the Japanese from Saipan to Iwo Jima. The concert took place on Christmas Eve in a bombed-out theater. The closing number was a solo from "The Messiah" by a girl who sung with the conviction of one who knew that Jesus was indeed the Savior of mankind. The soldiers cried.
Afterward, Brown asked the Japanese music professor: "How did your group manage to survive the bomb?"
"This is only half my group," he said softly.
"And what of the families of these?"
"They nearly all lost one or more members. Some are orphans."
"What about the soloist? She must have the soul of an angel the way she sang."
"Her mother, two of her brothers were taken. Yes, she did sing well. I am so proud of her. She is my daughter."
Brown was moved to tears.
"We had caused them the greatest grief," Brown later wrote. "Yet we were their Christian brothers and as such they were willing to forget their grief and unite with us in singing 'Peace on earth, goodwill to all men.' That day I knew there was a greater power on earth than the atomic bomb."


After my bishop [dad] finished sharing this with us he went on to say that we have a choice to make. We can continue our lives bitter and mad. We can blame everything and everyone else for our problems. Or we can forgive. We can fill our hearts with gratitude. We can become more like Christ.

I know I did not do his talk justice and this is one of the times I wish I could have recorded sacrament meeting. But I hope that all of you can try to strive to become more like Christ. Life is tough and I know first hand it's so much easier to just give up be bitter and just be mad. But I know first hand also that if you can stay positive and fight through it you will be blessed.

I feel it's only proper to close this out in the name of Jesus Christ amen.

Amazing.

Today I was at school for 17+ hours.

In 3rd period I learned of the tragic news of the horrible shooting. I was instantly thought of my kindergarten cousin/sister who I had just baby sat the night before. To loose her my whole world would be turned upside down my thoughts and prayers go out to all of those affected.

I continued my day with my internship where I helped a girl who has been struggling with medical problems for several months now. She has seen 9+ doctors and has had one to two doctors appt. a week along with tests and needles and other fun things like done to her while trying to go to school and live life but she can't because of constant spasms and pain, but no one knows what's wrong with her. But she keeps a smile on her face and she is always thinking of others. I could not think of a more selfless person.

My day then continues after a basketball game (which we won! Go PG!) I went to help with angel tree for student council. Every year our school helps with united way by putting together an angel tree. On the tree people come an adopt "angels" or kids who are not going to receive Christmas this year because of there family situation. People then go buy them gifts and return them to us. We then have the lovely task of sorting and delivering the gifts to the parents of the kids. Tonight as we were sorting through the gifts I started to look at what some of the kids wanted. Some of them all they wanted was a clean pair of pants and a new shirt. My heart was truly touched. And I am so grateful for the opportunity I have to be a part of this program.

Through all my experiences today I have truly been able to take a step back and see all the things I have been taking for granted in my life. Sure my life has not been ideal lately. I've been through the boy drama. Surgery has been a party. And I have defiantly had more bad days then good. But I'm grateful for days like today that put everything into perspective. I'm grateful for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. And all that it has been able to help me through. What I have really gotten out of all of this is. I have a Heavenly Father and he has a plan for me. Sometimes it feels like he is doing everything to make my life miserable but then I have days like today where I see how much he does for me and all of his children. I'm so grateful for my life and everything that is happening in it. I'm grateful for my pain and suffering because it only makes me stronger. I hope that anyone struggling in anyway can have an experience like I did so they can see how amazing this life really is.

From the old blog.

This was another post I had posted elsewhere and wanted to share. Sorry for the repeat of the story but I liked the message(:


For 15 years of my life I knew three lifestyles school. gymnastics. sleep(kind of). I would also through eating in there sometimes. Now some people would go crazy doing basically the same thing everyday but I LOVED it! But in march of 2010 my world was flipped upside down. The doctors told me my elbow was messed up to the point where it would no longer be able to keep up with such an active lifestyle. So I had surgery on march 30 and started to try to figure things out. Through all the mess I tried out for the student council and made it! I also ran track and enjoyed that but nothing was more strange than coming home from school and being able to stay home and not hurry and change into a leotard grab some sort of food and run out the door. It was hard I cried a lot and at the time I never thought anything would ever get better! But my testimony grew so much and it was an experience I wouldn't trade for anything. Now even now that's hard to say but I know it happened for a reason. I've tried a lot of things well in high school I would have never had the chance let alone time to do. I tried cheer something I had been against my whole life and I found that you really can't judge a book by it's cover! And never say never. (unless it's for something bad in that case you can say never) But I do have to say it is hard to catch a break considering I go back for surgery on Tuesday I can't tell you how hard it's been to accept the fact that it's happening again and I can't say the thought hasn't crossed my mind a couple times of why I didn't just keep doing gym if I was going to have to have surgery again anyways but the one thing that has helped me through all this craziness the most is the fact that I have to have surgery again because I tried something new I didn't just sit back and say life is over and not do anything I stepped out of my regular comfort zone and did something I thought I never would do! Now do I know what's going to happen next nope and I'm not even going to try and guess because one thing I have learned is that right when you think you know exactly where the pitch is going to be it curves and all of a sudden your on a whole new playing field! So basically what I'm trying to say is if you can learn anything from me it is change is hard and it can be not so fun but try stepping out of your comfort zone and trying something new because you can't go back in time but you can control what you do with the time you have now!

Update!

Well and now begins recovery. After about a week of pretty good pain everything is going back to normalish. I'm still casted and will be for a while. The thought of that is killing me. I'm learning to do a lot if things with one arm but it's hard! With every surgery I get more and more grateful that I was blessed with two arms. Getting back into school is stressful and the end if the term is approaching fast! But hopefully everything will come together in the end! I again am so grateful for the gospel in my life! There is so many times that I start getting down and thinking negatively but I'm so grateful for the power of the priesthood and blessings that have kept me up! I hope all of you are doing wonderfully! Tomorrow is Friday so there something to look forward too! Have a goodnight! (:

Day 3

Well today has already been rough. I actually got some sleep last night so that was good! But I woke up in a lot of pain. My nerve block is coming out today so that will be rough cause ever since surgery my arms been numb so I haven't really felt it! As the days go on it's getting harder and harder to smile but I have fantastic family and friends that have been there for me! I hope your all having a great day! Don't forget to smile! I love you all!

Surgery

Well surgery is over! They ended up having to take cartilage out of my knee and put it in my elbow so now my knee and elbow are wrapped up! I have a nerve block in my elbow so the pain level is almost none but my knee doesn't like me so much and hurts pretty bad! I know all of this happened for a reason so I'm trying to keep a smile on my face through all of it! I'll try and keep this updated everyday but don't forget to check Instagram (what_door_is_opening) for daily quotes! I hope all of you are having a fantastic day and if it's not so fantastic don't forget to remember all the good that has happened!

"thank you Mr. Gardener for loving me enough to cut me back"

check out the mormon message this week.  i don't think one as ever hit so close to home or appeared at a better time!

i don't know why. but i know it has a reason

i've never lost a loved one that i was really close to so i'm not going to even try and compare this to that but i feel the closest i've gotten is losing gymnastics.  it feels like just yesterday i was walking out of the doctor’s office in denial of what was even happening it wasn't until i had reach the gym and started to tell my team and coaches that i was done forever when it really hit.  i remember the next couple of weeks of my life were possibly the lowest i've ever been.  i had surgery and things stayed to same.  i started to get involved in other things and slowly the pain started to go away nothing could replace gymnastics but i found other things that i enjoyed that started to help my come out of my whole.  life started to look up again. i was truly happy and everything seemed to be good.

Last year after getting permission from the doctor i tried out for the cheer team.  i made it and it was the closest i had gotten to filling the whole of gymnastics.  everything seemed to be going well until the middle of the season.  i started noticing my elbow more and the pain grew with each day.  i again returned to the doctor and it was decided i would need surgery at the end of the season.  i went through the rest of the cheer season living on pain medication, ice, and pure mental toughness.  i had surgery again and started to my recovery.  i tried out for the team again hoping for another year just like the last.  i made the team and things were good.  as practices started to pick up again my elbow sure enough started to hurt.  for a while i hoped it was just pain from not doing anything on it for so long but as time went on it began to appear the pain was not going away.  to the doctors i went and the bad news kept rolling in i had to quite the cheer team and surgery would be needed again.  another door had closed in my life.

tomorrow that door closes completely in my life.  i will again have surgery i don't know why i have to face this trial again for the third time but i'm determined to find the reason.  i know that everything has a purpose.  the next couple weeks of my life are not going to be the easiest.  i know that at times i'm going to feel like i've lost everything. but i hope that i can look back at this and know that it is blessing me.  with this i say to anyone struggling with any door that is closing or any tough time to know that you are not alone.  i bear my testimony of the power of prayer.  it can help you so much and it can make the worst of days seem bright.  life isn't always easy and if it was life just wouldn't be any fun.  i know the priesthood was put on this earth for us.  it has been such a blessing in my life and i'm so grateful i have it in my home.  lastly to anyone that feels lost always know that heavenly father is always there for you.  he doesn't like to see us suffer just as much as we don't like to go through it.  but he only does it because he loves us and wants us to be able to live with him again. which if you put it in perspective is the greatest blessing of all so hang in there and he will bless you!

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

"You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during

the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one

set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,

"The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints,

is when I carried you."

Mary Stevenson

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